How to Manage Childhood Trauma During the Holidays
- Kezzia
- Nov 21, 2025
- 3 min read
Learn how to manage your triggering family
For many people, the holidays bring joy, family connection, and celebration. But for those with unresolved childhood trauma, this season can be one of the hardest times of the year. Old wounds often resurface when we return to family gatherings, traditions, or even certain holiday expectations. Instead of warmth and peace, the season can trigger feelings of anxiety, sadness, or loneliness.
As a black psychotherapist in Brooklyn, I’ve seen how childhood trauma shows up most intensely during the holidays. The good news is that there are ways to protect your peace, honor your healing, and still find meaning in the season—even when your past feels heavy.
1. Acknowledge Your Triggers
The first step is awareness. Pay attention to the people, places, or situations that trigger old wounds. Maybe it’s a critical family member, a certain tradition, or the pressure to “pretend everything is fine.” Naming your triggers doesn’t make you weak—it gives you clarity and control.
2. Give Yourself Permission to Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries is not selfish. It’s okay to say no to gatherings that feel unsafe or overwhelming. You don’t owe anyone access to your time, energy, or emotional space. Boundaries might look like leaving early, skipping certain events, or limiting conversations. Protecting your peace is more important than keeping up appearances.
3. Create New Traditions
If old traditions are painful, give yourself permission to create new ones. You can spend the holidays traveling, hosting a “friendsgiving,” volunteering, or celebrating in ways that bring you joy. Healing means rewriting the script, and you are allowed to decide what your holiday season looks like.
4. Use Grounding Techniques in the Moment
When triggers arise, grounding techniques can help you stay present. Try:
Deep breathing to regulate your nervous system.
Naming five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste.
Carrying a calming object (like a stone or bracelet) to remind yourself you are safe.
These small practices help you manage overwhelming feelings in real time.
5. Seek Therapy Support
The holidays are often when unhealed wounds surface most clearly. Working with an EMDR psychotherapist or another trauma-informed therapist can help you process those memories and build tools for coping. Therapy gives you a safe space to grieve what you didn’t have as a child while also empowering you to build the future you deserve.
6. Practice Self-Compassion
Childhood trauma can create harsh inner criticism, especially during the holidays when comparison is everywhere. Instead of blaming yourself for struggling, remind yourself: I survived. I am healing. I am worthy of peace.
Speak to yourself with the kindness you needed as a child.
7. Focus on Gratitude in Small Ways
Even when the season is difficult, gratitude can shift your perspective. This doesn’t mean ignoring pain, but it does mean noticing small joys—like a quiet cup of tea, laughter with a friend, or a peaceful moment alone. Gratitude helps you remember that healing is happening, even in small steps.
Final Thoughts
The holidays don’t erase childhood trauma, but they also don’t have to define your present. By setting boundaries, creating new traditions, and leaning on support, you can honor both your pain and your progress.
Healing doesn’t mean pretending the past didn’t happen—it means reclaiming your power today. With the right tools and support from a psychotherapy practice, you can manage the holidays with more peace, intention, and resilience.
About the author: Kezzia Quintyne-Hilaire is a black female trauma therapist and author of My Self-Love Journal. She uses her expertise in trauma-healing techniques to deliver tailored therapy to enhance the lives of women in New York City. As a woman of color, she is dedicated to offering culturally appropriate therapy and ensuring a safe and inclusive environment for women to embark on their healing journey.
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