How to Be Grateful for Life Events When Things Are Not Going Well
- Kezzia
- Nov 7
- 3 min read
Learn how to sit in gratitude when you feel like running away.
It’s easy to practice gratitude when life is going smoothly—when you get the promotion, fall in love, or achieve a goal. But what about when things are falling apart? When life feels heavy, gratitude can feel impossible, even unrealistic. Yet it’s during the hardest times that gratitude becomes the most powerful.
As a mental health therapist, I often remind clients that gratitude isn’t about ignoring pain. It’s about finding small moments of light in the middle of darkness. Gratitude doesn’t erase challenges, but it gives us the strength to face them with resilience. Here’s how to cultivate gratitude even when life isn’t going the way you hoped.
1. Redefine Gratitude
Gratitude doesn’t always mean being thankful for big achievements or happy milestones. Sometimes, it means noticing the smallest things: a deep breath, a warm meal, a text from a friend. When life feels overwhelming, shrink your focus. Look for one thing—however small—that brings comfort.
2. Allow Space for Both Pain and Gratitude
You don’t have to force gratitude by pretending everything is fine. Healing happens when you make space for both truth and hope. You can say: “This is hard, and I’m still grateful for this moment of peace.” Holding both emotions at once is a powerful act of resilience.
3. Use Grounding Gratitude Practices
Mindful Breathing: With each inhale, name something you’re thankful for.
Gratitude Walks: Notice your surroundings—the sun, fresh air, or a passing smile.
Affirmations: Speak phrases like, “Even now, I have something to be grateful for.”
These practices root gratitude into your body, not just your mind.
4. Lean on Community
Gratitude grows in community. When life feels heavy, talking with supportive people can remind you of blessings you may not see. Friends, family, or safe therapy spaces can help you shift perspective and remember you’re not alone.
Working with a psychotherapy practice can also guide you in reframing struggles and finding meaning, even when everything feels uncertain.
5. Practice Gratitude Through Action
Sometimes gratitude is felt most deeply when we give. Volunteering, offering kindness, or supporting someone else in need can remind you of your own strength and purpose. Giving to others often shifts the focus from what’s missing to what’s possible, and it can support your mental health.
6. Keep a Gratitude Journal
Writing down even three things you’re grateful for each day can rewire your brain over time. This doesn’t mean ignoring hardship—it means training your mind to notice what’s still good. Some days your list may feel small, but consistency builds perspective.
A journal also helps you look back later and see how far you’ve come, even through difficult seasons.
7. Find Gratitude in Growth
Even painful experiences can hold lessons. Ask yourself: What is this teaching me about resilience, strength, or patience? Gratitude for growth doesn’t minimize your struggle, but it reminds you that even hardship shapes you in meaningful ways.
Final Thoughts
Gratitude during hard times doesn’t mean denying pain. It means choosing to notice what’s still good, what’s still possible, and what’s still worth holding onto.
As a black psychotherapist in Brooklyn, I know how difficult it can feel to practice gratitude when life weighs heavily. But gratitude is not about perfection—it’s about presence. And even in the darkest seasons, there are always sparks of light to guide the way forward.
About the author: Kezzia Quintyne-Hilaire is a black female trauma therapist and author of My Self-Love Journal. She uses her expertise in trauma-healing techniques to deliver tailored therapy to enhance the lives of women in New York City. As a woman of color, she is dedicated to offering culturally appropriate therapy and ensuring a safe and inclusive environment for women to embark on their healing journey.
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