How to Be Intentional With Dating Before Cuffing Season
- Kezzia
- Oct 17
- 3 min read
Learn how to be intentional with dating from a black female psychotherapist
As we fade into fall, dating often takes on a new energy. For many, “cuffing season” becomes a playful yet serious time when people seek companionship before the colder months. But if you’re looking for a healthy, fulfilling relationship, rushing into cuffing season without intention can leave you repeating old patterns.
Being intentional with dating is about more than just finding someone to keep you warm—it’s about aligning your choices with your values, needs, and long-term goals. As a black psychotherapist in private practice, I’ve helped many women be intentional with dating, and below you will learn how to prepare your heart and mind before cuffing season arrives.
1. Get Clear on What You Want
Before cuffing season begins, reflect on your relationship goals. Are you looking for a long-term partnership, companionship, or simply casual dating? Too often, we step into dating situations without clarity and end up hurt. Do you understand your attachment styles?
Write down the qualities you want in a partner—not just physical traits, but emotional and spiritual ones. Do you value honesty, consistency, ambition, and kindness? The clearer you are, the less likely you’ll settle for someone who doesn’t align with your vision.
2. Heal Before You Connect
Entering cuffing season without addressing past wounds can create cycles of disappointment. If you’ve recently left a relationship or carry unresolved childhood pain, it’s worth working through these emotions before seeking a new partner.
This is where therapy can be incredibly valuable. A psychotherapy practice provides a safe space to explore patterns, uncover triggers, and build self-awareness so you can approach dating from a healthier place. When you’re grounded in your worth, you’re less likely to compromise for attention.
3. Date With Boundaries
One of the biggest mistakes people make during cuffing season is ignoring red flags. Being intentional means setting clear boundaries from the start. Communicate your needs openly, whether that’s exclusivity, respect for your time, or emotional honesty.
Boundaries protect you from situationships that drain your energy. Instead of fearing that boundaries will push people away, remember that they attract the right partners while filtering out the wrong ones.
4. Pace Yourself
The pressure of cuffing season can make it tempting to rush intimacy. But intentional dating requires patience. Take your time to truly get to know someone. Ask thoughtful questions. Pay attention to how they handle stress, conflict, and communication.
True compatibility is revealed in everyday moments—not just in exciting dates.
5. Keep Self-Love at the Center
Intentional dating isn’t just about finding love—it’s also about sustaining your own. As a mental health therapist, I often remind clients that dating should enhance your life, not consume it. Keep practicing the routines that make you feel whole: journaling, exercising, connecting with friends, or pursuing hobbies. When your self-love remains intact, you date from a place of abundance, not desperation.
6. Focus on Quality, Not Quantity
Dating apps and social media make it easy to meet multiple people at once. But chasing quantity can leave you emotionally exhausted. Instead, be selective with your energy. Give time to those who show consistency and genuine interest.
It’s better to nurture one meaningful connection than to scatter your energy across many shallow ones.
Final Thoughts
Cuffing season doesn’t have to mean rushing into a relationship just because the season says so. By slowing down, setting boundaries, and staying rooted in self-love, you can attract the kind of connection that brings joy, peace, and long-term fulfillment.
Be intentional now, and you’ll find that cuffing season becomes less about survival and more about true alignment.
About the author: Kezzia Quintyne-Hilaire is a black female trauma therapist and author of My Self-Love Journal. She uses her expertise in trauma-healing techniques to deliver tailored therapy to enhance the lives of women in New York City. As a woman of color, she is dedicated to offering culturally appropriate therapy and ensuring a safe and inclusive environment for women to embark on their healing journey.
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