How to Prioritize Self-Love as a Mother: A Guide for Black Women

Kezzia
12 minutes ago
3 min read

Learn how to prioritize yourself this Mother's Day

Four women in towels and towel turbans laugh together in a spa-like setting. The mood is joyful and relaxed, with a white background.

As a mother, it’s easy to feel like everyone needs you—your children, your partner, your job, your extended family. The weight of responsibilities can be overwhelming, especially for Black women who often carry the added burden of societal expectations and generational trauma. But here’s the truth: you cannot pour from an empty cup. Prioritizing yourself is not selfish—it’s necessary. As a psychotherapist who works with women navigating motherhood, trauma, and identity, I want to remind you that self-love is an act of resistance and healing. You matter too.

Understanding Why It’s Hard

Black women have been taught to be strong, to hold it all together, and to suffer in silence. For generations, we’ve internalized the message that our needs come last. This “strong Black woman” narrative, while born from resilience, can also be deeply harmful. In psychotherapy, I see how this mindset often leads to burnout, depression, and emotional numbness. When we don’t make ourselves a priority, we risk losing connection with our own identity outside of motherhood.

What Prioritizing Yourself Really Means

Prioritizing yourself doesn’t mean neglecting your family. It means acknowledging your needs as valid and giving yourself permission to meet them. It means scheduling time for joy, rest, and healing. It’s about saying no to things that drain you and yes to things that replenish your spirit. It’s taking the time to ask yourself: How am I really doing? and What do I need right now?

Woman smiling and hugging a boy with a backpack in a sunny park. The mood is joyful, surrounded by green trees and grass.

1. Embrace Self-Love Daily

Self-love is not a luxury—it’s a necessity. Begin with small acts that honor your body, your emotions, and your desires. Maybe it’s waking up 20 minutes earlier to sit in silence or journal before the day begins. Maybe it’s listening to music that lifts your mood, or setting boundaries around your time. Remember, your worth is not tied to how much you do for others. You deserve care simply because you exist.

2. Seek Support Through Psychotherapy

Many Black mothers carry unspoken pain—childhood trauma, relationship wounds, or even birth-related trauma. Therapy is a safe space to unpack this pain and reconnect with your true self. EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is one evidence-based approach that can help process traumatic memories and reduce emotional triggers. If you’ve experienced difficult or traumatic moments in your past, EMDR can support your healing without requiring you to relive every detail. It’s especially powerful for Black women who have survived abuse, neglect, or emotionally unavailable relationships.

Psychotherapy isn’t just about healing the past—it’s about rewriting your present and reclaiming your future.

3. Model Wholeness for Your Children

When you prioritize your mental health, you model emotional wellness for your children. They see what it looks like to set boundaries, to express emotions, and to value rest. You teach them that Black women are allowed to be soft, to ask for help, and to love themselves fiercely. Healing yourself is one of the greatest gifts you can give your children—it breaks cycles and creates new blueprints for generations to come.

Hands writing in a journal with a pink pen on a wood table, surrounded by crystals, a candle, and a glass of water. Text reads “Today I’m going to say yes to myself.” — My Self-Love Journal by Kezzia Q-Hilaire, LMHC

4. Build a Circle That Supports You

You were never meant to mother alone. Surround yourself with people who uplift you, not just as a mother, but as a woman. Whether it’s a support group, your therapist, or trusted friends, having a space where you can be vulnerable is vital. Prioritizing yourself becomes easier when you have a community reminding you that you’re not alone.

Final Thoughts

Black motherhood is powerful, but it doesn’t require self-sacrifice to be meaningful. You deserve joy, peace, and presence—not just survival. By embracing self-love, exploring psychotherapy, and prioritizing your healing, you become a more grounded, present, and fulfilled version of yourself. And that version of you is the best gift you can give your family.

Ready to embark on your journey? Schedule a consultation today and take the first step toward a more joyful, stress-free season.

About the author: Kezzia Quintyne-Hilaire is a black female trauma therapist and author of My Self-Love Journal. She uses her expertise in trauma-healing techniques to deliver tailored therapy to enhance the lives of women in New York City. As a woman of color, she is dedicated to offering culturally appropriate therapy and ensuring a safe and inclusive environment for women to embark on their healing journey.